Chickens, Cabbages and Chaos
by EJR HorseLady
Summary: The foul smelling knight stepped forward, yanking Howzer with him. "This one is under arrest for attacking a child," he said ignoring Howzer's indignant "I did NOT!" Undaunted he continued his explanation, "the other two are under arrest for destroying a vendor's cart and stealing produce." "We did NOT!" Gilthunder and Griamore cried out in protest.


Disclaimer: Seven Deadly Sins also known as Nanatsu no Taizai is not mine and I make no money off of this.

Summary: The foul smelling knight stepped forward, yanking Howzer with him. "This one is under arrest for attacking a child," he said ignoring Howzer's indignant "I did NOT!" Undaunted he continued his explanation, "the other two are under arrest for destroying a vendor's cart and stealing produce." "We did NOT!" Gilthunder and Griamore cried out in protest.

AN: Sinswap round 2. I was partnered with Lickitysplit/ maybeishouldwait and she wrote a wonderful story called Summer Vacation about Gilthunder, Griamore, and Howzer. (Seriously go check it out, it's amazing) Here's hoping I did her original masterpiece justice.

To the person/people who sent me those hate reviews: I can admit that my stories don't appeal to everyone, and I can handle criticism. What I can NOT stand, is bullying! And that is exactly what you were doing with those flame reviews. If you want to express how much you don't like my story then do so in a polite and constructive manner.

To the two nice people who reviewed before I took this story down to sort out the bullying issue. I'm sorry I lost your reviews. They were nice and sweet and I truly cherish them. I hope you can forgive me for losing them.

* * *

 **Chickens, Cabbages and Chaos**

Zaratras was enjoying a fairly peaceful day, one in which the kingdom was quiet and things were running smoothly. There was almost no paperwork waiting to be filled out, and what little paperwork there was, was easy and finished quickly. It certainly wasn't a warning sign that a catastrophe of retirement-inducing proportions was on the horizon.

He'd been looking forward to leaving the office early, a rare treat. Another rare treat was the fish pie that the Sins had thoughtfully bought for him; as a bribe for looking the other way from their successful, yet still somehow botched mission, but still…

Unable to resist the temptation of the pie sitting innocently on his desk any further, Zaratras took the fork that had been provided and prepared to dig in. After all, it would truly be a crime to let a Yawn of the Black Cat's fish pie just sit and get cold.

However, before he was able to do so the doors were thrown open with an angry boom. In through the door strode a frazzled looking knight, who carried the odor of a wet dog that had rolled around in freshly dropped dung, and was trailed by nineteen civilians, plus Gilthunder and his two friends, all of whom were, apparently, under arrest. And then there were the chickens. Chickens that were squawking and fussing and being held by several people, including his son and his friends. Chickens that were, apparently, also under arrest, if he was hearing correctly?

Surely not.

So much for calling it an early afternoon and enjoying a freshly baked pie. His usual good cheer quickly melted away and he gave a sad little noise of frustration that sounded suspiciously like a sob. He immediately moved to conceal this error by adopting a hard look, complete with an intimidating frown. Upon seeing this everyone in the office froze for a split second before hastily trying to pass the blame off to another person, because no one wanted to be on the receiving end of the Grand Master's anger.

Zaratras did note however, that all fingers but one seemed to point to the knight. The one exception, of course, was the knight himself.

Voices merged together, creating a chaotic cacophony of noise that Zaratras couldn't even begin to understand. Eventually, he had enough of the nonsensical prattle, and in a deadly calm voice, spoke for the first time. "Everybody. Shut. Up!"

The buzz in Zaratras' bizarrely crowded office abruptly died.

"Now. Let's try this again," said the Grand Master, slowly and carefully placing his fork on the desk next to the cooling pie, "one more time, and without the interpretive grandiose gestures, with the backdrop of an ostentatious chorus of unintelligible babble, shall we?"

Temporarily subdued, his audience listened to his opening remarks without further interruption.

"There are nineteen civilians in my office," Zaratras started his recounting of the last five minutes in a soft and low voice, but his words quickly picked up pace and pitch.

"The only knight in here smells like shit, my only child and his friends are under arrest, and there are two dozen chickens in here." Zaratras blinked, coming to a realization that caused him to fist both hands in his hair in an attempt to keep himself from punching his desk. He wanted to continue his tantrum in a logical vein, but what came out was, "Two dozen chickens!" in a pitch much higher than intended.

"Actually," sniffed an older man, glaring at the foul smelling knight, "there are only seventeen chickens, since that idiot of a knight had to go and destroy the coop with his tantrum, allowing for the rest of my chickens to escape."

Griamore sniffed, and he fought the urge to release the bird in his arms so he could wipe his red and watering eyes, while Howzer lightly pet the bird he carried.

Gilthunder bit his lip, absentmindedly twitching his fingers nervously, and flinching when the chicken he held in his arms made a particularly loud squawk.

"Chickens." Zaratras half-hissed, eyes glaring at the fussing chicken. "Chickens and horse shit!"

The knight who was currently wearing said odour straightened in offense, "Conclusion: it's an unfortunate conseque-"

"Shut up!" Zaratras' hand slammed down onto his desk with a loud boom, causing everything on it, as well as everyone in the room, to jump.

This included the chickens.

Zaratras blinked in surprise as suddenly his vision was filled with hundreds of feathers.

It was truly fascinating how easily civilians could become frightened, because the moment sixteen chickens suddenly broke free of their handlers and took flight within the crowded office, most of the (presumably) rational men and women ran screaming for the door as if their lives were in imminent danger, nearly trampling over each other in their haste to get out of the chaotic room.

Zaratras stood, eyebrow twitching, as slowly things began to settle and the chickens started to land from their panicked flight. Calming now that most of the civilians that had panicked were gone. He balefully eyed a chicken that landed on his desk and promptly emptied its bowels.

The chicken moved toward his fish pie.

A bright flash of light forced everyone to reflexively close their eyes, and a burning smell wafted through the air.

"MY CHICKENS!"

"You," Zaratras pointed to the whining man, "will take that," he pointed to the twitching - though very much still alive - chicken on his desk, "and the rest of them, and _leave_. You and the other civilians, may come back tomorrow morning and voice any complaints you may have at that time. Is that clear?"

One look at the fuming Grand Master with lightning dancing about his body, and the chicken man quailed. He gathered up all his limp and singed chickens in silence, flinching whenever a stray bolt of lightning made a particularly loud pop, and ran out the door. The rest of the civilians that had braved the storm of feathers followed after.

One older man, who was holding an armful of cabbages, lingered in the room for a moment. "I can come back tomorrow and complain about the conduct of that vandal?"

The venomous glare that accompanied the words was directed toward the knight, who was ignoring the comments to wipe some egg yolk out of his hair. Zaratras could feel his eye start to twitch at the sight, and sound, of the wet glob landing on his formerly clean floor.

"You and the other civilians may come back tomorrow to voice your complaints." Zaratras confirmed as smoothly as he possibly could, not wanting to further damage relations between the knights and townspeople. He could already feel the headache forming over the possible repercussions of today's events.

The cabbage man nodded firmly and left through the door, but not before tossing out, "The boys are good boys. They respect the glory of cabbages."

Zaratras wasn't sure if he wanted to know the context for that comment, but he had a suspicion that he would be hearing about it soon.

There was a moment of silence as Howzer, Griamore, Gilthunder, and the knight all suddenly realized that they were the only ones left in the room.

"Now then," Zaratras started, flopping into his chair and wondering why being one of the most powerful and influential men in the kingdom didn't get him out of having to deal with this kind of crap. "I want an explanation for this situation, right now."

The foul smelling knight stepped forward, yanking Howzer with him. "This one is under arrest for attacking a child," he said ignoring Howzer's indignant "I did NOT!" Undaunted he continued his explanation, "the other two are under arrest for destroying a vendor's cart and stealing produce."

"We did NOT!" Gilthunder and Griamore cried out in protest.

"And all three are under arrest for running from the law."

"No we weren't!" The trio denied in chorus, glaring at the knight.

Zaratras took a brief moment to rest his head in both palms before collecting himself and raised his head with a weary sigh, "Explain, boys."

Howzer, Griamore, and Gilthunder all looked at each other briefly, before Howzer bravely stepped forward. "Well Sir. It went like this…"

~.~.~

It was an unpleasant day. The sky was overcast with dark and heavy clouds that misted rain off and on, leaving the ground in a perpetual state of dampness while clothes clung unpleasantly to bodies. It wasn't enough to stop people from going about their lives, but it wasn't nice to work in either.

Howzer had just finished taking out the trash for Mrs. Land and was on his way to the market. He'd been given some money for cleaning Mrs. Land's house, and he just knew that if he went home with it his Pops would take it away, telling him he needed to 'save for the future' or some such nonsense. So instead he headed straight for the market to spend it now.

Traveling down the nearly empty road, and munching on a carrot muffin, Howzer was so deep in thought, wondering on whether he had enough money to buy a cool sword or not, that he didn't hear his name being called the first two times. He heard it the third time though, as it was yelled straight in his ear, and felt the accompanying slap on the back that came with it.

"Hey guys, what's up?" He asked his friends. Sadly what came out was an unintelligible jumble around the mouthful of muffin.

Gilthunder scrunched his nose in disgust. "Don't talk with your mouth full," he said at the same time Griamore voiced his opinion of, "That's gross."

Howzer promptly swallowed and stuck out his tongue. "You're just jealous that you didn't get to eat one of Mrs. Land's muffins."

"Ohh, those were so good." Griamore said wistfully, while Gilthunder scoffed at the thought of being jealous, over a muffin of all things, but inwardly agreed with his cousin. They were good.

"So what are you doing out here?" Howzer asked, as the three of them continued their journey into the not-so-crowded-today market

"We're patrolling," Gilthunder stated, puffing up proudly like a particularly pleased puppy who had been told he was good boy. "A good knight is always prepared to protect the people, and catch criminals."

"What are you doing here?" Griamore asked curiously, as he watched Howzer wipe the crumbs off his hands using his pants.

With a wide grin Howzer opened his mouth to answer but a loud, booming crack drowned out what he was going to say, followed immediately by frightened screams. Those who had braved the weather immediately cleared the street, and all eyes looked in the direction of the commotion.

A horse was galloping down the street completely out of control. There was no rider on its back nor cart attached to it, but a wide-eyed little girl was clinging desperately to a strap of leather that made up its harness, trying not to get pulled under the horse and end up trampled.

Despite their rough start two weeks ago, Howzer and Gilthunder immediately moved into action as if they had been working together for years.

Howzer let loose a thin, sharp blast of wind that cut the leather that the girl was hanging on to, while Gilthunder sent a blast of lightning at the horse's eye, causing it to veer sharply away from the girl.

The girl fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

The horse ran into a cart selling cabbages.

The owner of the barrow dived to the side just in time for it to fall apart, spilling produce everywhere. "My cabbages!" The owner of the stall cried out in dismay from his spot on the ground.

Scrambling to get out of the wreckage, the horse stumbled and Griamore quickly took advantage of the opportunity to encase it in a bubble, preventing it from bolting again and causing more damage.

Howzer didn't see any of it, instead his sole focus was on the little girl who was starting to sit herself up from where she had fallen. "Hey, are you ok?" He asked, as he knelt down by her side and placed a hand on her shoulder.

The girl said nothing for a moment and simply sat stunned, before her shoulders began to shake and her lip began to tremble. A stuttering breath escaped her and she began to cry in earnest. She pushed Howzer away and scrambled to her feet, running back up the street, crying and stumbling all the while. "MOMMA!"

There was a moment of silence as Gilthunder and Howzer watched her go before they shrugged unanimously and focused their attention on picking up the spilled cabbages from the road. If she was running and hollering like that it meant that she wasn't hurt, and that was good enough for the two boys.

Both unaware of the eyes that saw the girl push Howzer away and run off crying.

"Ruined, completely ruined," the cart owner moaned in dismay, picking through his destroyed barrow. "First the accursed monk child brings nothing but bad luck, and now that," he gave the horse a baleful glare while lovingly holding and stroking a cabbage like an upset infant. "It's nice to see that at least you boys respect my cabbages, unlike some uncultured beasts."

Griamore, Howzer and Gilthunder all shared a uncomfortable look at the man's remarks, while instantly getting the feeling that the vendor was a little… particular… about his produce.

"Yeah," Howzer said with a smile plastered firmly on his face. "We're... happy to help."

The shop owner beamed and opened his mouth, no doubt to continue to praise the glory of cabbages, but was cut off by an unexpected voice.

"Conclusion: you miscreants are the villains who attacked an innocent child."

There was a moment of stunned silence while everyone sized each other up. The three boys and cart vendor all taking in the sight of a tall knight with a haughty look on his face, and with an air of superiority about him. And the knight taking in the sight of three boys standing around a ruined barrow with their arms full of produce. There was really only one explanation.

"You also broke this peon's stall and are caught holding his distasteful wares, meaning that you, conclusion: are thieves as well."

"What the-?"

"We didn't do anything."

"We saved her!"

"Distasteful wares?!"

The knight ignored the boy's denials and strode forward, also ignoring the cart owner's beginning tirade about the wonders of cabbages. "You," he grabbed Howzer's arm forcefully, causing him to drop the cabbages he'd been holding, "are under arrest for attacking a child. And you two," he grabbed Griamore's arm, also making him drop both his cabbages and the bubble, "are under arrest for vandalizing this man's cart and stealing his food."

Gilthunder, the only one not being held by the pompous knight, could only stand with his mouth slightly agape, and wonder at how exactly this absurd situation had come to be.

"We didn't attack or steal nothing!" Howzer cried in protest, twisting to try and get out of the tight grip.

"I will not fall for your lies." The knight declared, yanking his two captives forward, and kicking aside a stray cabbage as he went.

"THAT'S IT!" The shop owner cried, fed up with the disrespect given to his cabbages. Taking a hand-hewn beam from his now ruined stall, he began to attack the knight with it. "You. Will. Not. Disrespect. My. Cabbages." Each word accompanied by another _whack_.

Unprepared for the surprise assault, the knight let go of his captives to shield his head from the blows, unable to comprehend that someone would dare to attack a knight of Liones. He quickly recovered however, and grabbed the beam assaulting his person, glaring darkly at the vendor. "Conclusion: you are under arrest for attacking a knight of Liones."

Seeing his chance, and using the distraction for what it was, Howzer grabbed both Griamore and Gilthunder, causing Gil to drop his cabbages, and ran. "Thanks shop owner person."

"I'm sorry about the cabbages," Gilthunder offered, not wanting to get on the bad side of such an odd person.

Ignoring the vendor's cheerful, "Bye boys, have a nice day, and please come again," as well as the knight's outraged, "How dare you run away without my say so!", the three boys ducked into a back alley, and bolted.

As they rounded another corner they heard another dismayed cry of, "Stop eating my cabbages, horse!" coming from the vendor. This was followed shortly after by the sound of running feet along with the shout of, "Halt thieves! I shall not be revising my arrest statements."

They ran faster.

"Anyone have any ideas?" Howzer asked, not slowing as he rounded another corner and nipped down a side alley. It was commonly used by wagons for unloading supplies for the various shops that lined the main street. There was a wagon there now, in fact, surrounded by people. The sight made Howzer pause and curse, earning him a scolding from Gilthunder. They would have to go around.

"Yes," Griamore panted out, pointing towards the castle towering over the skyline. "We need to get to Uncle Zaratras. He's the Grand Master. He can fix this."

That was good enough for Howzer, but before he could move towards the palace large hands reached out from seemingly nowhere and grabbed the back of Griamore and Gilthunder's shirts, hauling them into the air.

"Fate has smiled upon me today. That wagon has blocked your escape, allowing me to catch you," a loud, familiar and most unwelcome voice exclaimed in delight.

"Oh come on!" The look on Howzer's face clearly conveyed his annoyance. "We're on our way to the Grand Master right now. So there's no need to grab people."

The knight looked a little worse for wear, with his hair mussed and his kight uniform rumpled and stained, but the air of superiority hadn't dissipated in the slightest.

Howzer waited and prepared his magic as the man opened his mouth to speak some more. He would only get one shot at this and he had to avoid hitting Gilthunder or Griamore, who were effectively being used as shields.

"YOU!" A woman declared vehemently as she stormed forward with an enraged look on her face. "You're the one that spooked the horses and caused this mess!"

Howzer blinked, startled at the woman's sudden appearance and looked away for just one second-

An egg flew through the sky in a graceful arch and hit the knight on his head, followed by a barrage of various forms of produce.

From their positions Gilthunder and Griamore could see that the mass of people surrounding the wagon, which they could now see was broken and missing a horse, had all focused their attention on the knight, and they all looked furious. In their hands was broken and battered produce being used as projectiles to barrage the knight. It might have been entertaining if they weren't getting hit as well due to the townspeople's bad aim.

"You! Knight! You nearly got my daughter killed with that fool stunt of yours. What do you have to say for yourself?!"

The knight whirled around, dropping Gilthunder and Griamore on the ground as he did so. The boys landed hard, but quickly scrambled to their feet to move away from the knight who was still being pelted by produce. Only once they were clear of the danger did Gilthunder look towards the one who had spoken.

There, in the entrance to the alley where the boys had entered, stood the cabbage man, who still his arms full of the leafy greens, and a woman who was leading the runaway horse. The young girl from before was clinging tightly to the woman's skirts.

"You've ruined all my melons!" Cried an unknown voice from the middle of the of crowd, others beginning to pipe up now that the first person had bravely spoken. The floodgates opened, and the numerous offended civilians rushed forward, surrounding the knight on all sides and eventually knocking him over.

Howzer, Gilthunder, and Griamore, all watched in stunned disbelief as the unfolding chaos played out before them.

"ENOUGH!" The blast of magic that the knight let loose was strong enough to send people flying through the air.

Howzer and Griamore quickly used their own magic to shield, or at least soften, the people's landing.

"Everyone here is under arrest!" The knight exclaimed, quickly getting to his feet, unsheathing his sword, and letting loose another blast of magic just to prove his point. This wave of magic travelled further and hit the broken wagon.

The wagon, already weakened from the abuse it suffered from earlier in the day, let loose an agonized groan of stressed wood, and collapsed with a final clatter.

There was a moment of silence as the masses took in the sight of the demolished wagon.

"No, my chickens!" One old man cried as he spotted several brown speckled birds sprinting away from the debris and down the other end of the alley, away from where the masses of people were beginning to pick themselves off the ground. The old man, as well as five others, leaped over the sad remains of the wagon and ran after the fleeing birds.

Those that remained heard a sharp crack as a large barrel broke free of whatever had restrained it and started rolling towards the masses. The citizens were quick to dash to the sides of the street, and the three boys followed suit. The frazzled knight however, remained standing in the middle of the alley with his sword drawn, and gave the barrel the stink eye.

With a wave of his sword, and another blast of magic, the barrel was destroyed and its contents spilled out, unleashing a foul odour in the air that cause several people to gag and some lost the contents of their stomachs.

The knight blinked in surprise as he suddenly found himself drenched in a stinky liquid.

"That was my surströmming," wailed a middle aged man. "That brine has been used by my family for generations."

It was at that time that everyone heard the sound of clucks and feet heading in their direction. The older man and his five followers had returned, their arms full of chickens, and with three more birds running ahead of the group. Griamore, Howzer, and Gilthunder all stepped forward to scoop up the three birds in their arms, preventing them from running off. The moment he picked up the chicken, Griamore's face instantly flushed red and his eyes started watering.

The chicken owner smiled. "Thank you boys. If you'll come with me we can drop them off at the restaurant, where they'll be safe."

"No! You're under arrest!" The now hysterical knight pointed his sword at the man who had spoken. "Everyone here is under arrest!"

"But the chickens-"

"They're under arrest too!"

~.~.~

"That's when I said that Gilthunder, Griamore and I were all on our way here to talk to you. Everyone thought it was a good idea, so here we are." Howzer finished his narration with a careless shrug.

Zaratras hid his face in his hands and said nothing for a full minute. Eventually he let out an exhausted sigh, sat back in his chair, and crossed his arms. "You're all banished to Germania," he finally declared decisively.

There was a moment of wide-eyed looks of disbelief from the boys, and Howzer began to flail wildly, almost hitting Griamore and Gilthunder in the process, as he started to list off all the reasons why he couldn't go to Germania. The knight, Twiggo if Zaratras recalled his name correctly, looked furious. For a moment Zaratras wondered if Twiggo would speak out in protest, but ultimately he backed down and settled for just looking huffy.

Good. At least he knew how to respect authority.

"No, that won't work." Zaratras shook his head sadly. "As much as I would love to send all of you there I would have too many parents upset with me, and filling out the forms to release Twiggo from being a knight would be too much of a bother, so I can't."

Howzer's relief was palatable. Gilthunder, who knew him best by virtue of being his son, simply shot him a dry look while Griamore wiped tears from his eyes. Whether those tears were from the allergic reaction to the chicken or from actual crying, Zaratras wasn't sure, but he politely pretended not to notice. Twiggo simply stood glowering.

"Twiggo," Zaratras barked, focusing his complete attention on the man stinking up his office. "Until I can verify what I just heard with the townspeople's account of what happened out there today, you are relieved of duty. You are to go straight home and remain there until tomorrow evening. At that time you will come and report to me. If you are found accountable of anything I just heard, you will pay all the people for lost or damaged products and items. Is that clear?"

The look on Twiggo's face was murderous. "Yes sir. Perfectly clear."

"Good. Now go take a bath."

Twiggo nodded stiffly and left, slamming the abused doors closed behind him with an echoing boom as a testament to his displeasure.

Zaratras made a mental note to hunt down Twiggo's file and make a comment that he was unsuitable for work in a populated area like Liones, and had issues of following orders. Furthermore if he ever attempted to become an apprentice Holy Knight, his application would be delayed while his behaviour and mental aptitude would be thoroughly reviewed.

With Twiggo's departure there were only three left standing awkwardly before him, and Zaratras took a moment to marvel at how his rule following son and his two friends could end up in such a crazy mess. "You three can go."

"Really?" Howzer asked hopefully, perking up instantly, much like a puppy being offered a treat.

Zaratras let out a huff of a laugh at the looks he was getting. "From the sounds of it you boys did nothing wrong, so I have no reason to keep you here. Go. Enjoy your day."

With one whoop of delight, and two relieved smiles, Howzer, Griamore and Gilthunder all left with Gilthunder throwing a quick "I'll see you later Father," over his shoulder.

Alone in his disheveled office, Zaratras took the opportunity to look around at his once clean, now filthy office, and released a long whine of misery. The servants were going to hate him! They were going to ban him from sneaking into the kitchen to get anymore snacks.

Flopping forward, Zaratras banged his head on the desk in miserable defeat.

Two different sounds made him freeze.

The first came from the chicken droppings he just pressed his forehead into. The second…

Came from the fish pie that had fallen off his desk and landed with a splat on the floor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

End


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